You know nothing: Falling in Love

The title sounds like bullshit already. But there is truth in there, I know nothing about falling in love with someone.. as I might never did.

What is falling in love feels like? Excitement to hear their voice? Dilated pupils when we see their face? The comfort when we smell their scent? I felt all that (and more) when I like someone. But is it love? Teenagers would say so. But not me, someone whose age a year younger than Jesus when he was crucified.

At this age, I see falling in love as no more than chemical reactions in the brain that triggered by some certain stimulus. It will fade away eventually when you don’t nourish it. Then you will feel it again when you meet another interesting person.

Of course I want to believe that. It is easier to think that way and being cold-hearted will save us from future misery. But, what kind of life without love or, in this context, why would you avoid love?

I remember the first time I like someone. He was a regional athlete of taekwondo. His body well built, beautiful person, silly smile, nice scent. He would dance in his underwear to entertain me. He sings well, our conversations were never boring. From mundane petty stuff to deep thoughts, we could talk for hours. We were friends for a year before we became a couple. Then his mother didn’t like me, so we broke up after two years seeing each other. Now he is married to a woman who looks exactly like his mother. Not my problem.

The next one was accidental and yet, beautiful. We liked each other instantly, it was extremely exciting and intense. But we had to end the relationship as we are 12,000 km apart, or 17 hours of flight away from each other. None of us can leave our life in each other’s place to be together. So we stay friends to this day.

***

There is a sense of familiarity when we like someone. We want to be with them most of the time, we want to see them, we want to see their happy smile. We want to kiss them, hold their hands, hug them. They put smiles on your face over the jokes they told you days before. You are excited to see their name popped up on your phone. That is when you like someone.

And.. from one heartbreak to the other ones, I figured out liking someone is apparently a selfish thing to do. You do it for your own happiness. You enjoy that chemical reaction in your brain when you interact with them. You are addicted to their presence. When they do something you don’t like, it hurts you. You want them to protect your feelings. That’s what they should do. You think you love them. But is it really love?

No. It’s not.

Love isn’t limiting. Love sets us free. Love is when you hold someone’s heart better than you hold yours. You put their needs over yours. You prioritise them. You want to see them happy no matter what. You don’t want to change them, you see their flaws as beautiful as their strong points. And they don’t have to do the same for you, also, they don’t have to be with you. It sounds crazy, I know. But once you reach this state of thinking and feel this kind of love. I think it’s when you finally became a mature person.

Of course it would be perfect to be with someone who can reciprocate all those acts. But life isn’t perfect. He is not perfect. None of us are. And love is not something that happens everyday. When you feel it, you pour it, you show it, you cherish it. You know that nothing last forever, so is your love. Give it a chance to help you grow to be the better version of yourself.

From Gina & Ryan

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