You Know Nothing: Friendship

They say, the older we get, the harder we form friendship with new people. Well, not in my case.

In my early age, I never had a group of special people I belong to. When some people has bestfriends since they were kids, I don’t. Mostly because I no longer able to get along with people I knew from my childhood. Well, the other reason might be my family were moving every three years until I was in junior highschool, made me didn’t get a chance to actually be close with anyone. Thus, I got used to be distant with people.

Only when I was in junior high school I was ‘hired’ as a part of popular girls gank at school. I still don’t understand why they wanted me to be one of them, apart from being tall and didn’t talk much, I don’t remember whether I was one of those cool kids (my nick name was anak kalem or in English: the calm kid). I remember I would prefer to listen and observe what my friends did, understanding their personality, learn the way they talk as the coolest kids in school. I would only talk longer when they asked me my opinion about guys and other things and they would be amazed everytime I did that.

During my senior highschool, well, I got to lived with people I couldn’t really relate to, it was an Islamic boarding school. I spent my senior highschool years wanting to escape the place as it was my mum’s decision to study there.

In college, I didn’t make close friends either. I spent my college years reading at the corner of the library, get involved in student’s organisation, read books where nobody around. 

I couldn’t relate to any group. I would talk to some nice people, told them a small chunk of my story. But solitude was my best option and I turned to like it a lot. Some people called me mysterius, I think they just didn’t understand who they were dealing with.

Since my early 20s, I define my friendship style as distant friendship. I also don’t open my circle easily although I don’t close it altogether. That’s more manageable in terms of time and expectation management.

I make a deep and meaningful friendships with people who won’t require me to meet them frequently, sometimes twice a month would be too frequent. Sometimes thrice a week is good too. Some people don’t drain your happiness fast.

My best friends are the ones who let me free, sometimes they would let me disappeared for months or years then come back with the story from my adventure. 

I have one friend from junior highschool who I could tell my story to after five years not seeing her, although not everything. The rest, I never heard from them, I don’t contact them neither. Sometimes we met during Ramadhan festival when I visit my parents. But what we had just small talks.

Only after I moved to Bali, I met people I can very much relate to. But I still don’t hang out with them every day.

We will talk when we need to flush down some shit from our mind or when we want to check each other, or, to share things, like, sending interesting link to read, beautiful men we like, ask question to confirm that our decision is right, food pictures at late midnight (of course), or when we need help from each other.

In the end, the older I get, the more meaningful and honest the friendships I built. These people are the ones I can count on when the chips are down. They will back me up when the world is against me, although when I am the one who is wrong, they would remind me to do things right. That’s what friendship is, and for all my life, I would do the same for them.

They say, we can’t force friendship. When it happens, it happens. I met people that I like but they don’t like me for the reason only gods know. Well, that fact is not stopping me to like them anyways. Just like everything else, my antics obviously are not for everyone.

Male friends vs female friends

I get along easily with boys since I was a child. As they are easy going, their jokes are funny, their games are more interesting than female children’s game. My neighbors called me tomboy, as my hair was short and they see me play with boys more often than with the girls.

As I grow up, the pattern remains the same. Only, there is one problem after the puberity came. Some boys won’t see me as one of them anymore. 😯

Up until now, I would be really happy to have male friends who can keep the relationship platonic between us. It’s pretty sad to lose friends I can have interesting conversation with end up not contacting me anymore (just) because they want something more than friendship.

While female friends, this is kind of tricky. By unwritten laws, female can’t befriends with other female who interested in the same type of men.

Chick before dick only happens when we like different men. I know some female acquaintance who had decided to sleep with the men I like even after they know how I feel about these men. I did the same.

Women can tell which woman who has the tendency to seduce our man. It’s kind of odd, but I could tell if someone ever slept with someone. Especially if one of them is the person I involved with.

Anyways, some women are whore. Some women have standard they religiously follow. Mine is to never sleep with the man who is involved with the woman I respect. I would tell the woman in person, that I won’t do that to them. The man could seduce me all they like, I would shoo them away.

I guess, that’s why my female friends stay friends with me, I like to put everything on the table. This makes me predictable, which some men find this trait undesirable.

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